no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
