I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
