She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈ðŸ˜
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
