love makes seman taste better
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
