I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
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Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
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No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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