lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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