i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
