And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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