It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
