You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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