I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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