no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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