Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
