I hate all girls vehemently.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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