Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
