we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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