i may or may not be watching the land before time
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
