i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
this is an emotional support booty call
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
