so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
