Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
