I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
