you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
