her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
