Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
