we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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