the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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