I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
