Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
