i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
