worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
