I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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