its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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