I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
