Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
