i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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