So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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