Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
