ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
