is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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