She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
