we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
