I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
