I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
