my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I am available for nakedness
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
