the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
That accounts for only three of the penises
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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