3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
