Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
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