2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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