I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
