How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
