i just had sex bonerless
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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