Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
