I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
