There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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