btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
