My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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