Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
