My room smells like vodka and shame
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
