I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
