She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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