Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
