I think i peed on brittanys purse
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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