You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
