I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
