fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
