I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
