Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
