They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
