I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
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I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize