i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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