The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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