smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
