dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
