who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
and you said cock pushups were impossible
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
