She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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