there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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