While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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