Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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