Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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